Cambodia debrief #2: Vietnam to Phnom Penh

So where to begin? Between my brother and I we took some ridiculous number of photos between us so this will definitely be another gratuitous photo-fest. But hopefully they are at least of passing interest to my loyal readers (all 2 of you) ;-)

We left Saigon on Friday 2 September - which warrants a photo in itself cos' all the people in the city had disappeared and been replaced by Vietnamese flags. The quietest I have ever seen it - apparently Tet Festival is the same.


Unlike Noo Zulland, which is at the arse end of the universe, the countries in South-East Asia are all conveniently close by - so, 45 minutes later, we were in Phnom Penh. We met up with a Cambodian mate who works at the French embassy - and, within 4 hours of arriving in town, found ourselves having an extremely messy (but entertaining) night, gatecrashing the farewell party of one of his colleagues. Was yet another twilight zone moment, dancing to old French pop songs with pissed Frogs in the middle of Phnom Penh!

Amongst other things, we did the obligatory tour of Toul Sleng (aka the S-21 prison where the Khmer Rouge got up to some pretty atrocious shit) which was pretty hard going but well worth seeing in person. Nothing like several rooms full of people's photographs staring at you to personalise genocide.

Our touristing in Phnom Peng got a little more light-hearted when we were travelling on motorbike with our mate (the ones in Cambodia are extended to take 3 people and are brilliant fun) and the famous Cambodian rain started up. We had raincoats on but they were a little irrelevent when our bike died in about 80cms of water outside the royal palace and we ended up wading through the COMPLETELY flooded street.




Apparently one legacy of French occupation in Cambodia is a seriously shit drainage system - Phnom Penh regularly floods but by everyone's reaction you would think it was the first time. So, we abandoned ship off the bike and waded to slightly higer ground and stood with a bunch of wet monks (whose email addresses we got when they requested copies of the photos) and watched small Cambodian children swimming down the road and people pushing stuck vehicles through the floodwaters.




All quite entertaining really.




At this point anyone remotely sensible would have retired to a cafe or something but no, we carried on touristing in the rain.




So, one royal palace and an abortive mission to the national museum later we had just about done Phnom Penh...except for dinner. Our mate took us out to the suburbs to a fantastic place called Hen Lay. I don't really know how best to describe it - maybe an aircraft hangar with food and live bands would be a good start. This place, on the river, was absolutely massive.



And, not content with one band or piped music, there was the house band and a full-on cabaret of about 6 singers who did songs with backup dancers and costume changes and everything. This place was so big that there were concert-type video screens at either end for those people who couldn't see the stage!




My brother, who was still a tad jet-lagged and disoriented after flying from Paris the previous day, got even more disoriented when mobbed by the 'beer girls' when we sat down - their job is to thrust a card with the name of their beer brand in front of your face and say the name of the beer as loudly and insistently as they can. Not too bad when there's only one of em' but when there's about 10 the effect is quite entertaining!

We spent a little while hanging out on the waterfront in Phnom Penh as well - watching this dude who was doing his best South-East Asia Ray Charles impersonation...


...and enjoying the fried bug sellers - fried tarantulas are seriously cool!


And then it was time to head on to Siem Reap and get some temples and culcha in us.

Stay tuned for the next installment.

Cambodia debrief #1: Let the silly pictures commence!

Well my brother and I have 'done' the tourist trail in Cambodia - 2 days in Phnom Penh and 3 in Siem Reap (where Angkor Wat and associated temples live). We did 3 consecutive 5am starts and lived to tell the tale.

To say that Cambodia (especially Angkor) is the schiznit would be a pretty vast understatement - that place kicks ass!

Many many silly piccies and gratuitous temple shots will follow as soon as I have a decent internet connection. But to get the ball rolling - this is a shot of the back of a tuktuk in Siem Reap - beautifully combining my two nerdy passions of engrish and public transport.

Squint, read carefully and enjoy :-)

Voting Noo Zulland style.

Well my brother arrived from Paris yesterday morning and we embarked on a high-speed intro to HCMC before leaving for Cambodia today. As part of the touristing we went to the New Zealand consulate to lodge overseas votes for our upcoming election.

My mate has the expression 'Vinamoment' to describe those uniquely surreal Vietnamese moments that seem to happen pretty regularly here (almost every vietnamese company is 'Vina-something or another' e.g. Vinamilk, Fonterra's equivalent). Well this was one of those - but it was actually a New Zealand moment in a Vietnamese setting - seriously bizarre and quite entertaining.

We found the consulate and went in, finding a big kiwi bloke who wandered up and said 'oh, you want to vote?'. Overseas voting only began 2 days ago so I think we may have been some of the first, which is never a good thing.

Pretty quickly transpired that he didn't really know how it worked - there was a Vietnamese chick who sort of did but she also seemed intent on covering up our unique voting numbers on our papers with a black sticker - not really sure what that was about.

Anyway, we sat down in the 'official voting room' and muddled through the paperwork for my brother - who went behind the designated official 'voting bookshelf', did his thing, put it in the overseas ballot envelope and posted it into the box (we even got a photo of him doing it in case the press called).

My one should also have followed suit but at that point the consul, who had wandered in earlier and said hello, called the Vietnamese chick away on some 'urgent business'. Leaving me mid-voting process, sitting opposite the big kiwi guy and wondering what to do - as he clearly didn't know.

So, in time honoured Kiwi style, we engaged in chit chat. Turns out he has been in Vietnam for 12 years - and, when my brother said he had lived in Paris for 14 years the guy responded with 'wow, and you still vote? I gave up on that years ago!'....

...and yes, the person saying this was also the person wearing the 'returning officer' badge who was helping us to vote.

So, after about 10 more minutes he disappears off and comes back grumpily cos' it seems the consul has stolen the Vietnamese chick in order to help him pay for some plane tickets for his upcoming holiday this long weekend...which, of course, is seriously urgent business.

So, the returning officer, after a few more minutes thumb twiddling, eventually says, 'well, you've ticked the boxes, why don't you just leave it with me to put in an envelope and post into the box for you......?'

Hmmmmmm....... thinks I, while pissing myself laughing at the ridiculousness of it all.

'Um, OK, seeing as the sole chick who can do it is otherwise occupied with planning the consul's holiday, sure what the hell...she'll be right mate, right as rain!', says I.

So, I'm pretty sure I voted...but if Aunty Helen doesn't get back in I am singularly blaming the Vietnamese consulate in HCMC!

Right - time for some Cambodia - we've got a plane to catch.

Hen gap lai :-)

Well my big bro flies in from paris for a visit tomorrow and the next day we embark on a mad touristing mission to Cambodia and then back to hcmc and then up to hanoi - should be manic and fun :-)

Coincidentally, Friday (the day we leave for Cambodia) is also the Vietnamese national day - a national holiday when the entire freaking country travels or buys and waves flags (or both) ... of course I would have to realise this AFTER booking our flight for that day.

Wish us luck for getting out of the country in one piece!

Tee hee.

On the highway on the way to uni today my xe om guy and I passed a middle-aged Vietnamese guy on his motorbike. Nothing whatsoever unusual in that but his t-shirt which read "Norwood High School Post-Prom Party. May 23, 2003" brought a smile to my face.

You've got to wonder: All this time his family thought he was a good family man working hard in Ho Chi Minh City every day but for the last 2 years he's really been leading a secret life as a college sophomore in the states....must be a hell of a commute.

If only it were that easy!

Ok this is a (rather crappy) picture of one of my favourite Engrish purchases ever.

I went on a little stationery binge a while back (as I am wont to do) and I was looking for a blank notebook. Well, sitting near the back, looking a little lonely was this beautiful baby - all styled up like a proper Collins diary - with the words 'Race Relations Handbook' embossed in gold on the top right-hand corner in a very proper way.

...and yes, it's blank on the inside.

...and no, I'm not going to make any further comments about that for fear of lynching.

It also has a world map on the inside with, amongst other gems, the new capital of Tasmania - 'HOBRAT' proudly marked.

As my friend Teacher Rebecca from Taiwan would say, 'Book This Is Yes Cool!'.

And, of course, it set me back the stunning amount of 15,000 dong (that'll be $1 US ma'am).

:-)

Hmmmm...some more....

It's funny how quickly things become 'normal'. I realised two things today that, in Australia, I would have been blogging about within seconds.

1. About 2 weeks ago I stopped holding on when travelling to and from uni (or anywhere else for that matter) on the back of a motorbike. If told, when first arriving in Vietnam, that within a few months I would be happily perched on the back of a motorbike at silly speeds while wearing only a bicycle helmet (and clothes!) and not feeling the need to hold on, I would have looked at you pretty strangely and scoffed about not having a death wish. I guess that hasn't reeeeally changed - but there is very little that holding on will do to protect you should shit happen - going down with the ship, so to speak, does not offer much protection! And anyway, my hands are better used sitting on my knees and looking Vietnamese (ish) ;-)

2. About 3 weeks ago, when my mates were visiting from Taiwan, we were heading out to a mate's place before hitting the town - and a school kid crashed his motorbike into the side of our taxi. I have distinct memories of seeing the side of his face smooshed against the window. In Oztraylia, Noo Zulland et al this would have been a BIG deal - and us whiteys in the back of the taxi did squeal and do a bit of 'oh my god'ing. But then the taxi driver leaps out of the car, roars around to the side of the cab and starts yelling at the kid for breaking his wing mirror off!

Groggy kid, who was in the wrong as far as that is possible in the Saigon chaos theory motor system, got his head together enough to pick up his bike and scarpered before the taxi driver could bill him for his wing mirror...leaving us sitting there going 'oh...ok, well i guess we carry on to our night out'. But what's really worrying is that I had forgotten about it until now - no doubt soon I will be wearing a conical hat and ao dai and eating beef noodles with congealed blood for breakfast ;-)

Good old-fashioned Buddhist theme park fun.

Warning: Self-indulgent photo extravaganza follows.

Yesterday I had the priviledge of being shown another fabulous side of Saigon by a friend who shares my passion for kitsch.

After a late breakfast we hit grabbed a taxi and headed 30 minutes north of Saigon to the Suoi Tien Park - aka Vietnam's Buddha-themed fun park (this is not a joke!).

Pulling up to the gates I knew we were in for a fun day - but I wouldn't have been able to fathom the level of kitsch fabulousness that awaited me in my wildest dreams.


So, after being dropped off near the giant lucky toad we went up the stairs, paid our 16,000 dong entry fee (just under $1.50 $AUD) ...


... and walked into my idea of heaven.



Two things struck me within minutes of going in - one, my mate and I were the only whiteys there (I think we spotted one later that day but I may have imagined it) and two, this was for real!

So much for real, in fact, that there were groups of monks wandering around as part of their holiday tour to Saigon!



Now by 'real' of course, I mean completely synthetic right down to the rocks - but I am pretty sure that the trees and this (the first time I have seen graffittied fruit actually) were real.


'But enough talking about little details!' I hear you cry - 'what about the really BIG stuff?'

Well - there was a fair bit of that too:


We soon spied a colossal head, a giant shrimp and an equally massive coke bottle in the distance - clearly we had to investigate further.


I feel quite embarassed to admit that I didn't know what awaited me but I really should have guessed - in a Buddhist-themed fun park what else would it be but a giant buddhist and marine-themed waterpark?!


Luckily we had bought our togs (cossies, bathers, swimsuits what have you) with us and were ready to swim and attack the Buddhist hydroslide (can't remember when I last did a hydroslide but god damn it was fun!).



Highlights included the amazing labour-intensive detail that Vietnam specialises in:




...and some really cool signs - 'Medials rvice room' anyone?



After swimming and hyrdrosliding we were ready for the next leg of our Buddhist pilgrimmage - wandering out to find that a full-scale Vietnamese Buddhist Pirate spectacle was underway. This show left Disney or Vegas for dead with dodgy pyrotechnics, giant floating elephants and enough stunts to make an occupational health and safety officer want to commit Hari Kari.



We then wandered a little way, past the nice ticket selling lady sitting in her goat/dragon/bull ticket booth...



... and found ourselves in 'Carni' country - with various stalls and sideshow games set up - but, unlike the dodgy bastards at the Melbourne Show the Vietnamese versions are ridiculously good-humoured and fab! Our mate had a go at one which was incredibly popular - where you put on a silly mask, walk forwards and attempt to hit a bell with a stick - sort of pinata gone Vietnamese. The main idea seems to be that you miss and everyone else laughs at you. After two goes our mate was triumphant - for his troubles he won a very Buddhist can of Red Bull.

And even the sideshow ducks looked great ;-)



It was around this time that I started to realise how bloody massive this park was all round - I think by the time we left after 5 hours we had covered 2/3rds of the park (a very fine excuse for going back!). So we wandered past the giant elephants, up the elephant and lion-lined stairs to the the monkey area where I couldn't resist snapping this cute kid:



And this VERY proper line up of Vietnamese ladies who were preparing to have their photo taken by a park photographer - boy do they look pissed that I snapped them first!



Then we wandered along past these equally Buddhist attractions (an especial favourite was the bridge over the lake where the guys were paying to fish - but they were cheating cos' a guy kept feeding the fish and luring them to the surface!), did the obligatory silly 'photosticker' portrait session and escaped before we started dreaming of buddhist swans.





If you are EVER in Saigon - this place is a must. Check out their website by googling 'Suoi Tien Park' - do it now! ;-)

A new link.

Given that my research focusses on communication about sexual health for young people and, given that I have a seriously warped sense of humour and, given that the Bush administration are a pack of complete twats on the sexual health front with their abstinence-only campaigning and funding (they recently withdrew funding from one of the world's biggest condom social marketers because the organisation refused to sign a pledge "explicitly opposing prostitution and sex trafficking" - the organisation is currently suing them for breach of the first amendment but I doubt it will get very far) - SO given all of that, I couldn't resist this beautiful offering from the wonderful team at the whitehouse.org.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Iron Hymen - 'promoting abstinence-only coolness for girls'.

A little rave for small-scale sustainability.

One of the many things I love about Vietnam is that it is still possible to repair things rather than replace.

In Melbourne if something breaks the consensus is generally that it will be more cost or hassle to repair it than to just get a new one. But here - if it does anything short of completely dying - and sometimes even then - there will always be a dude on the side of the street who can sort it out for you.

Every now and then we get a flat tyre when coming home on the motorbike - but there are countless little one man repair stalls on the side of the road who have a miniscule air compressor and other toolls and who can sort it out for you quick smart. My flatmate, after riding her hired motorbike into the side of our house in a drunken stupor (annihilating a potplant in the process), got the relevant parts replaced and installed for 35,000 dong (just on $3 Australian).

When my sunglasses (essential for keeping the crap out of your eyes when riding) broke the other day I just popped into the sunglasses store who fixed them in 3 seconds flat and then laughed at me when I tried to pay them.

And this week when my one pair of work shoes suffered a catastrophic failure I had the entire heel/sole replaced with something far better quality than what I begun with for 100,000 dong (under $10 Australian). What's more, the shoes have been polished to within an inch of their lives and it was all done in the space of 24 hours...this place rocks!

Of buses, lizards, beaches, bikes and such...

Went up to Mui Ne last weekend - a small beachside town about 4 hours north of Saigon by bus.

My mates and I took the 8pm bus which, 1 hour and 2 buses later, chugged out of Saigon just after 9pm. The highlight of the trip up (apart from the entertaining habit of all vehicles in Vietnam to drive full speed on the wrong side of the road at oncoming traffic in a bizzare game of 'overtaking chicken' - the winner is the biggest vehicle so we survived intact on this occasion) was the nasty truck stop where the bus got some more petrol and I met this lizard who was keeping an eye on me while I braved the charming Vietnamese truck stop toilets.



We got in around 1am and I settled into my authentic Vietnamese (yeah right!) beachside bungalow for the night - couldn't walk the next morning because of the diabolical bed but for $7 a night for a two person room who cares!




Mui Ne is a very cool bit of the world - the absence of pollution and the fact that I could see the sky were definite highlights - but the insane motorbike ride on Saturday was fabulous. We decided to risk life and limb and hire some bikes for the day in order to head out to see the reasonably famous Mui Ne sand dunes. Hiring bikes in Mui Ne is a little different to the standard vehicle hire process - you tell the guy at the hire place you want 3 bikes and then he goes outside and commandeers the bikes of 3 of the xe om (motorbike taxi) guys! I guess it is more lucrative and easier than carting people around all day so it was a 'win-win' situation ;-)

This was the first time I had ridden by myself in Vietnam and also the first time I had ridden anything other than a scooter (which I ride in Melbourne) so the first few minutes were a sort of vertical learning curve with the xe om guys pissing themselves laughing at us - but that is de riguer for Vietnam anyway. Luckily it was a standard Vietnamese motorbike which has gears but no clutch - which made it a little less painful.

The ride (sans helmet and in t-shirt and shorts of course) went pretty smoothly for the first 10 minutes, until a wet season downpour decided to start, which we took as our hint to have a pre-trip drink and get some petrol (the 'petrol station' stand is shown below - you buy it by the pint!).



The rain didn't ease up at all - in fact it just got even more torrential so, intrepid and rather stupid explorers that we are, we decided to buy some ridiculous Vietnamese raincoats and carry on - riding through pelting rain that stung our faces - but which was still hilariously funny for some reason (guess you had to be there). The countryside around Mui Ne is quite stunning: amazing combinations of bright red earth and tropical greens. And for a very short time we were the only people around which hasn't happened since I arrived - with 84 million people here it's not that common an event.

We even met a herd of goats who were crossing the main road - and the family who was with them were pretty damn cool as well - although I scared the crap out of the little boy who must have thought I was some white dripping ogre in a blue rainsheet.





But enough rambling - the short version was that it was a lot of fun to be pootling around under my own steam for a change and to get a slice of something other than bustling city - it is easy to forget how gorgeous Vietnam is when you're in Saigon all the time (not that Saigon's not cool either - but it is more of a chaotic gritty charm than a scenic picturesque one ;-)

Reason # 62 why I love New Zealand.

Because a pizza company ('Hell pizza') can put up this billboard on a main thoroughfare in Auckland and get away with it.



Thanks to Abdul for keeping me in the loop on the NZ front :-)

Makin' love was just for fun.

Anyone who has had the pleasure of hanging out with me for any length of time will know that my anal-retentive tendencies surface on a reasonably regular basis. Two of the ways that these tendencies manifest themselves are via an unhealthy interest in stationery products and a passion for awful english translations.

So, as you can imagine, Vietnam is the source of much pleasure for me in this department - and this finding was a keeper.

This picture is of the cover of a letter pad that I bought from my local Thang Long stationery store (I have no idea what Thang Long means but it gets me to the right place with the xe om motorbike taxi guy).

It is very cute and says 'Happy for you' with a charming teddy bear set against text in the shape of a heart which reads 'To tellthe starsa bovedon't forget' - which I find very meaningful.

But what makes this little puppy REALLY special is that, if you look closely at the watermarked text in the background (circled in the picture for your enlightenment cos' i'm pretty sure it's illegible) - it reads:

'Mak'in love was just for fun'.

Not sure if my partner was too impressed when I sent him a letter on it but it amused me no end!

A little touristing in the Mekong.

One of my oldest school friends from Noo Zulland was visiting from Taiwan with her South African colleague last week (Noo Zullanders are not terribly good at staying in Noo Zulland for long periods of time when they're young so we have odd scenarios like one Kiwi living in Taiwan visiting another Kiwi living in Vietnam) so we hit the tourist trail and went on a day trip to the Mekong Delta area.

We booked in Saigon the night before, handed over the princely sum of $7 US per person for a full day tour with lunch included and got up at sparrow's fart the next morning to board our magical mystery Mekong tour bus. I had done another mekong tour back in February so we picked a slightly different route which begain in another province.

After a couple of hours on a tolerable aircon tour bus we arrived in the charmingly named 'My Tho' province at the starting point for the first of MANY boat rides on the Mekong (we're pretty sure it was 8 in total). This was a short trip that took us round the corner past some very scenic riverside houses and postcard scenes (reproduced below for your viewing pleasure). I suspect we could have walked that leg of the trip but it was terribly pictur-es-Q.







We got decanted from the boat into an even more picturesque fruit and vege market - also shown below - and wandered around taking photos of fruit and engaging in equally silly tourist activities. The red fruit shown here is a dragon fruit - one of the world's most beutiful and crap tasting fruits - the insides look like a dalmation - white with very pretty black seed flecks. My mate reckons their taste is - quote - 'like dirt' :-)





After that it was back to the boat past some very cool floating houses...



...and off to a similar coconut candy 'factory' to the one I visited in February. The main difference was that this one also sold banana 'whiskey' in plastic water bottles for 20,000 dong (just over $1 US, just under $1 AUS and almost exactly $2 NZD). Not a bad drop actually - warming with slight undertones of meths.

Next up was another boat ride to an orchard for lunch - which was when the torrential tropical rain started. It eased off long enough for us to get back to the boat and then it pissed down again - leaving us sheltering in our dinky boat which had had the plastic improvised tarpaulin sides rolled down until it eased enough for us to head to our next destination. It was still raining pretty badly so the sides of the boat stayed down which meant that the boat's captain couldn't see where he was going when sitting down so improvised with some very expert 'foot steering'.



At our next desination we were treated to some traditional vietnamese folk music - the inescapable downside to any tourist trip in Vietnam. Luckily the tables we were sitting at all had some sort of clear alcoholic substance that tasted even more like meths (come to think of it, it may well have been meths!) which kept us sane and quelled the giggles a little.

By this stage we were beginning to get a little boat fatigue - especially as our next stop by boat was a place where we got to go...boating. 20-odd tired tourists were sheparded onto a rickety jetty, loaded into traditional vietnamese canoes, given conical hats and told to look stupid while being paddled up a canal - that said, it was a bloody good laugh and we have some priceless photos (NOT for blog consumption) as a result. For some reason your correspondent managed to get lumped with a paddle as well - pretty sure it should have been me who was being tipped at the end and not the other way around but hey.

And, with one more boat trip back to where we started our watery adventure came to an end. Back to Saigon and dry land creature comforts until the next visitor comes through in a few weeks' time :-)

Oders accepted by email.

'Engrish' has long been an abiding passion of mine - and Vietnam is a goldmine. Today's small pleasure was riding alongside an ambulance with 'AMBULANE' plastered on the side but this week's favourite is the business card that I have posted below - microsoft should really look into this - I think it would be a hit!

...and back to flippant.

The coolest tree in Hanoi... I don't think it's catching.

WTF?!

So I posted up some cutesy photos of the Temple of Literature in Hanoi this afternoon and the visitors to this site went berzerk - 200 in one day! Now I would like to think that my fabulous writing skills, incisive observational humour and all round nice galness have generated this random surge in visitors but I suspect I have inadvertantly pushed a search engine key word button of some description, now I just need to figure out what the magic words were...'hanoi'? 'temple'?, 'literature'? 'the'?...

Of course I will never be able to replicate it - ah well, guess my 15 minutes of fame are up.

Serious artistic endeavour #1.

In order to prove that I am not necessarily 100% flippant and blithe 100% of the time, I will also be posting up some piccys of nice things I see around the place every now and then. The first lot are from Ha Noi which is a seriously funky city, give or take the killer heat.

This series is from the Temple of Literature which is an amazing historic sanctuary in the middle of the city - the oldest university in Vietnam.