Monday, December 26, 2005

All I want for xmas...

Well, Coles Myer (aka the group that owns pretty much the entire goddamn Australian retail sector - kmart, stationery superstores, supermarkets etc) has EITHER reached new highs of cutting edge self-referential reverse-psychology black humour-themed advertising nous...

OR

...desperate new lows.

It's a tough call.

What do YOU reckon?

Saturday, December 24, 2005

Bet the rats are relieved.

Well xmas is tomorrow and I should be writing my thesis but, in the interests of festive procrastination, I thought I'd share a little gem from a smoothie bar I went to in the States a few years ago. Not sure I am too keen on their take on 'local flavours'.

I really get a ridiculous amount of pleasure out of these sort of typographical cock-ups - and if I can combine it with a little festive Yank-bashing then all the better :-)

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Knee-jerk patriotism Noo Zulland-style

In honour of the nausea-inducing events of the last fortnight in Sydney (yay for race riots!). I thought I had better keep up with the one-eyed Joneses and post up my own little patriotic rant. So here goes - be warned - it's pretty 'out there'.

Was in Highpoint shopping mall on the weekend (fondly referred to by locals as 'knifepoint' for not entirely unobvious reasons), attempting to buy a BBQ and outdoor table and not kill anyone as a result of my soaring 'fuck-i-REALLY-don't-want-to-be-in-a-shopping-mall-2-weeks-before-xmas' stress levels.


Was just getting ready to ankle tap the next person who tried to push past me when Tezza, Barbara the new Swaustrian flatmate and I spotted a beacon of sanity in the distance. The New Zealand Natural icecream franchise!

Along with randomly watching my first ever televised All Blacks game when I was in Vietnam my patriotic weakness in Australia is being an, ahem, 'regular' customer of this store - only to be found in nasty shopping malls. This is definitely patriotism - not cos' I am a guts.

So, was looking forward to getting my usual Noo Zulland icecream drink fix (the profoundly named 'Chillo') when something caught my eye.

Wait for it....

A bottle of L & P!!!

:-D

[dances little patriotic jig]

Tezza and the Swaustrian can confirm that I was somewhat overcome at seeing, for the first time since I moved here 2 years ago [goddamm, it's been 2 years!] this little Coca-Cola Amatil-owned slice of New Zealand iconography.

For those not from New Zealand with no idea what the hell I am talking about - just go here and watch the funniest goddamn nostaligia-inspired television advertisements ever made. Do it - do it now.

And yes, even though L & P was never my favourite drink I bought a bottle - and am now waiting for the perfect summer's day when I can leave it out in the sun on the deck, open the lid, let it go almost but not quite completely flat and imbibe to my little patriotic heart's content. Just need to add some sand/chlorine and sunburn to the equation and I would be right at home.

Merry Chrismukah [with props to the OC and La Nadine] y'all.

Friday, December 16, 2005

Fly by wire.

Went to the St Kilda night market last night (home of cute stalls, funky t-shirts and many 'pseudo alternative' types, a semi-dark (beige?) art in which I occasionally dabble).

For some reason this year Melbourne has had an unprecedented fly invasion – and it was especially evident at St Kilda last night. Everyone (me and flatmate included) was walking around madly swatting their arms around their heads, looking like they were in the grips of some sort of psychotic episode.

Not sure what it is about badly grounded electric lights (or plastic flowers?) but the flies lurrrrrrrrved the set-up shown here.





Felt like Alfred Hitchcock should be somewhere with a megaphone yelling ‘cut’.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

EXTRA ordinary!

As if being jumbo-sized wasn't enough!

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Sushi and pro-capitalism

The Japanese place where Tezza and I occasionally have lunch is getting all political on us!

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Vinastyle in Melbourne town.

It's been a couple of months since I came back from Vietnam but every now and then I find myself doing something that puts me right back into central Saigon.

One such trick I have been working on is the art of putting as much crap as is humanly possible on to a scooter, regardless of stability, legality etc. I have dabbled with multiple small suitcases, multiple large bags of fertiliser etc but the other day it was time for a new challenge.

In a fit of thesis-writing enthusiasm I went out and bought a new printer/scanner/copier/washing machine combo thingy with which to print the screeds of indispensible knowledge that I am no doubt going to be churning out over the next few months.

Problem was that it wouldn't fit on the front flat bit of the scoot where I normally cram stuff that needs to be carried 'en route on scoot'. My scoot has a pretty large top box at the back but it wouldn't fit there either. There was, however, just enough space between the top box and where I normally sit to perch the (rather large) box.

Next issue was figuring out how to attach the bugger. I haven't got as organised as carrying rope or bungee cords with me in my scoot (I prefer to go for the completely disorganised chaos approach) so I was in need of some rope. Being just about to leave uni I went and raided Tezza's office to see if he had any rope-type materials. Alas, Tezza being an academic he was sadly lacking in any practical materials such as rope - we grabbed some scissors and a canvas bag left over from the open day and wandered back to the scoot with some vague ineffectual intention of cutting the bag into a rope of some description...which would have worked SO well.

Luckily for the egos of all concerned, my scavenger instincts took over as I spotted a rather convenient dumpster full of old uni crap sitting near my scoot. So, after a few minutes scavenging I emerged triumphant with a telephone cable that was perfect for the job of dodgily lashing a too-large printer to the back of a too-small scooter. At this point Tezza's boy scout training kicked in and he did a most respectable job of tying said printer and scooter together - leaving me to crawl through diabolical traffic in 30 degree heat for nearly an hour ....felt just like being back in Saigon!