Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Slow! Small (dumb) dog

When visiting Nelson in Noo Zulland at the start of this year (yes, I have some catching up to do on the blog front :-s) we had the good fortune to stay at the house of a friend of a friends (the best sort when it comes to free accommodation in nice places).

The house was perched high on a hill, with gorgeous views over Nelson and the ocean. The hill was so steep, in fact, that when you turned off the road you found yourself going down a driveway with zero visibility at one point, due to the sheerness (is that a word?) of the drop below.

While this feature made for several entertaining automotive moments of the 'oh jesus, we're going to die' variety, it also clearly posed a problem for the owners, whose dog liked hanging around the driveway ... just under the driveway crest that drivers can't see over as it happens.

In true Noo Zulland style, however, any risk to aforementioned dog was averted by this fabulous sign ~ which got right to the point. Perhaps government education campaigns could learn a few things from this approach?




Friday, October 10, 2008

What? No handicrafts?!?

I stopped by Uno the Extortionate Cobbler this afternoon to be reunited with my one and only pair of comfortable work shoes (those with wonky feet will know what I mean when I say that parting from them for any period of time is more than traumatic) and found myself waiting in line behind two members of the Bandidos motorcycle gang (according to their website their first leader was called 'Snotgrass', I shit you not).

As I waited patiently behind them (even though they took a long time I didn't feel the urge to get tetchy or ask them to hurry up for some reason), I watched them spend some time instructing Uno the Extortionate Cobbler on the precise location of the patches that they needed sewn on to their new leather waistcoats. [By way of context, Uno resides in one of the most expensive mall/plaza/thingies in the Melbourne CBD].

Uno, who is normally downright rude to customers, was the most attentive I have ever seen him. I could even see him making a mental 'do NOT fuck it up' note to self as they left his store and wandered over to join their colleagues who were sipping coffee at a nearby cafe. Not only did he not advise them of a cost, he also didn't give them a little 'your name is x, your item # is x and it will be ready by whenever I damn well feel like it' slip ... perhaps hulking great gang members are memorable and worthy of expedited ... dare I say 'free' ... service?

I subsequently learnt that the entire gang was in town for what was (euphemistically?) described by local media as a 'family weekend' ... wonder if it will involve picnics and joint prayer sessions?

So, I consider myself a little wiser for this experience ~ for some reason I had always just imagined that gang members were quite handy with the old needle and thread ... I used to have little daydreams about bikie sewing circles akin to boy scouts ... but it seems even the big boys have learnt the art of outsourcing. Guess you learn something every day.

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

Revealing my true self

I have often received flack from friends who know me, for my steadfast refusal to publish pictures of myself on this blog ... to reveal my true identity as it were.  

Well, the time has come ... for the curtain to be lifted, the shutters to be drawn, the sun to rise, the [insert shyte metaphor here]. 

Ladies and Gentlemen, please find a clipping from my old university that not only reveals my true identity, but also includes a headshot of me ...


... if, indeed, I am an 18 year old Japanese girl called Shuko Keji.


I was on the 7.42 train to work the other morning when I idly flicked through my old university's Alumni magazine and found this gem. My partner and I pissed ourselves laughing the rest of the way into the city. Within hours I had received an email titled 'mea culpa' from the comms manager at my old university, mortified that she had irretrievably offended me. I responded by thanking her for making my day and asking for another copy as a memento. 

What I think I love most of all, is the fact that Ms Keji is wearing a ginormous name badge in her photo ... perhaps the proof readers thought it was 'mislabel yourself Thursday' or some other such quirky cultural convention?

If only I was that cute and could get away with wearing yellow without looking like a jaundiced marshmallow ...