Taking higha edukation seriuslee

Although I am working hard on my 15 year plan to become a furniture restorer I have had to settle for being a university lecturer in the interim while I work my way up.

This involves subjecting myself to the scrutiny and ridicule of up to 170 pubescent students at a time on a regular basis. In one of my classes the poor sods are stuck with me for 3 hours in a row - during which time they talk amongst themselves, look bored and critically assess every aspect of me - presentation, funny accent, hairstyle etc etc.

This is not great for the ego and the pay is rather dismal ($30K paycut to make the move from being a PR gal to an academic anyone?) but there are certain perks:

• Inflicting my notoriously cheesy music tastes on them at full volume before class (the less cool the better as far as I am concerned - watching them writhe in agony is a joy)
• Torturing them with the revision lecture at the end of semester ('is she telling us what's in the test or is she just mucking with us?')
• Reading the end of semester evaluations - highlights of this semester included "the interface should be burgundy next time" [name one thing most in need of improvement] and "the madhatter is sometimes funny" [name one thing you enjoyed the most].
  
• Marking the little buggers' assignments [170x 1500 word essays + 250 exams + 20 major assignments for this semester].

Now why would the last one be a pleasure you ask? Well - it's not. Except that my 'essay marking coffee table' at home currently looks like this:

[wanders off sniggering]