Aussies: restoring your faith in the future of mankind

Australians rock in so many ways.

This is a series of verbatim excerpts from this article in today's Age newspaper. I shit you not:

"A man has been jailed for nine years for setting fire to an associate who woke him up to sell him a stolen kitchen.

"Damian Catania, 30, was not interested in the kitchen, which was offered for $2000.

"But Justice Kevin Bell said in the Supreme Court that Catania visited would-be salesman John Ioannou an hour later, as Mr Ioannou was trying to put the kitchen back into the new house from which he had stolen it."

...

"Mr Ioannou, a carpenter, had partly disassembled a kitchen that had been installed in the new house, not far from Catania's home. Catania did not want to buy the kitchen, but agreed to pay $80 for Mr Ioannou to fix his leaking shower.

"Justice Bell said Mr Ioannou had burns to 60 per cent of his body after the fire, and was placed in an induced coma for five weeks at the Alfred Hospital."

...

"Catania told police: "I'm sorry for the person that got injured. I never meant it to go that far..."

Hmmmm....wonder if I can use that tactic (and defence) the next time a student disturbs me with a dumb assignment-related question?