Full service will be resumed shortly.

So, ah, where was I?

Ah yes - came back from living in Vietnam, got buried for a little over a month in mundane real world stuff and am now just about ready to seek refuge in the soothing world of cyberspace monologuing once again ;-)

So, will start back into things gently - with a brief commentary on the adage that you can't teach an old dog new tricks.

This has come about because I used a dishwasher for the first time in my life today. "How could such a geek like you not have used one of these indispensible pieces of electronic equipment?" I hear you cry?

Well the answer is threefold: Firstly, I grew up in a houseehold with 2 older siblings and a mother who maintained that she had three children so why would she need a dishwasher. In retrospect, I heartily agree [child labour laws are for pansys ;-)], although I suspect that the dishwasher would have been a more cost-effective move than the three kids. Secondly, when I moved out of home the classy abodes we rented never had such luxurious fripperies as dishwashers - so there was no change in the status quo.

Thirdly, even if there had been a dishwasher present, I probably would have failed to learn to use it - because, as everybody knows, there are many varying levels of geekdom. There are task-specific geeks - such as computer geeks, language geeks, magic role playing geeks etc. And there are the more well-rounded generic geeks who spread their geekiness across a wide range of nerdy activities.

I would like to think of myself as a more or less generic geek - but everyone has their archilles heel - in my case it is domestic electronic appliances. Computers? No problem. Televisions, video recorders/players, dishwashers etc? Serious issues. Just like I am physically incapable of filling out a form correctly, I am also incapable of operating even the most basic household appliances - rice cookers are an especial flaw.

So, when I recently moved into a new and rather more modern pad than my previous homes, I found myself sharing the kitchen with a near new dishwasher. I have been in the house for nearly three weeks now and there has been an increasingly uncomfortable silence growing between us as I consistently sneaked over to the sink and quickly washed my dishes by hand before retreating out of 'Dishy's' space. It took the more mature of us [me!] to break the silence today - by asking a mate what pellet thingys I should be buying and following her instructions to the letter: "get dishwash pellets, open door, put dirty dishes and pellets in machine, close door, turn on". It all started off smoothly enough but at the end [i think] of the cycle, Dishy got his revenge by stopping work mid-cycle [yes, even machines go on strike in Oztraylia] and beeping at me....incessantly.

After asking some mates on messenger how to fix it and getting no useful responses [standard response: "you don't know how to use a DISHWASHER?!!!"] I went for the jugular and turned Dishy off and on again. It stopped the beeping but I am pretty sure he will just do it again next time...bastard.

So now, the standoff has transferred from being betwen me and Dishy to being between me and Dishy's manual - which is sitting glowering at me in a drawer. I am a firm believer that instruction manuals are for wusses but I think I should probably get over that particular personal phobia and get the better of this appliance...soon.

So, after ranting to myself for a while I have come to the conclusion that I have no insights to offer on the adage about teaching an old dog new tricks [will get sued for false advertising - it wasn't brief either!] but have this to offer on old stubborn dogs teaching themselves new tricks: 'we're fucking useless at it!'.

Peace out :-)